I do however feel like my life, emotionally has actually changed for the better within months. When I am alone a lot like this, it is easy that my mind wanders.
Before the summer I honestly think I was depressed or something. I was alone all the time, I had nothing to do, no energy, nothing to look forward too, nothing got me excited, nothing made me feel enthusiastic, nothing good kept me up at night but sleep was hard to get. I felt like I'd lost a home, and a family of friends, like the best years were behind me and that I wasn't ready for adulthood that I so quickly was thrown into, like Katniss was thrown into the hunger games, just waiting to be dropped.
I never felt much at home in Sweden, but a comfort I had coming back was thinking that the few things that I held dear would stay the same, but I was wrong about that too. I had to learn the harsh way that forever shouldn't be taken for granted. The friend I believed would be one for life, turned out to be someone who didn't breathe the same air as me anymore, and when two people change so much in such different ways, the friendship turns into something forced rather than natural. And even though it can be hard to say goodbye, I also learned that not saying it is worse. I learned that people get old and old age changes people too. But I think that the hardest people to say goodbye to are the ones that are still perfect with you, and coming to Sweden meant that I had to do that.
My life isn't perfect, not even a little bit, not even at all but it is getting easier with time, and though I will remember 2014 as one of the hardest years of my life, I will also remember it as the year I was forced to grow into a stronger person. I am so thankful for have seen so much of the world that I have, and so excited to see more of it. This year, I've grown closer to people I didn't know as well before and it would've been so much harder without them. I also thank god that I still get the chance to meet a few of my family friends from Kenya every now and then because it makes me cherish them more. I still have difficulty sleeping at night but I know now that a new adventure lays ahead of me as I dream of the reality that I will soon be taking off to Australia, and that makes me feel excited again, and it makes me want to move forward.
And even though my friendships now may not last forever, I couldn't be happier that they are here with me now and they make me feel just in place in the gang.
To anyone who has a hard time getting up in the morning, I've lived enough to prove that everything bad that happens, does in fact happen at once, and it is overwhelming and can feel like too much to handle, but that is ok. Because that means that everything good happens at once too. The good moments can be change in an instant, just like the bad, so cherish the moments you are given, and never ever give up.
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